Listen to Your Mother
Had a great weekend! My mom came to visit. School is over. The "end of the semester tired"s seem to be wearing off. I'm one summer class away from the road trip. Things are falling in place...
My mom said she just read about a book titled something like The 10 People You Are In Your Twenties. [If anyone knows the actual title, lemme know so I can get reading.] Anyway, we started talking about all the people I've been and all the people I could be: I've been a curious, imagination-soaked only child; a tall, redheaded, tortured kid--just call me "Big Red"; an asshole, take my parents for granted addict, a sober teen, an anxious young adult; an aggressive self-starter, classic overachiever, Type A, detail-oriented student; and now, I'm not sure who I'm about to be...and I'm not scared at all.
My mom always says "the universe will provide" and I'm beginning to believe her. A few months ago, I was dealing with the death of my uncle from unexpected and quickly terminal cancer; the death of a woman my mother could call mom; the unhappiness of being where I don't want to be, doing what's easy and not knowing how to fix it all. I had no summer job, a broken futon, and tears most nights wondering how I was going to survive another year in Bowling Green. Fast forward, and Ron and Jean's deaths are helping me to learn the importance of holding family close and loving them as strange as they are; I'm planning this road trip, staking out my future, looking for a new bed and I've just got a six-week gig writing grants for COSI. See, the universe will provide.
I have no way of knowing which, if any, MFA programs I will get in to. I'm not sure what state I'll end up in next. I have NO IDEA how my parents are going to get over loosing their baby. I don't know if I want to teach or start a vineyard or open a fine arts school or buy a house, sit on my porch and write. I think that for the first time in my life, I understand that not knowing what the future will bring is more valuable than hating what the present holds. So, listen to your mother as long as it takes for you to learn how to listen to yourself.
My mom said she just read about a book titled something like The 10 People You Are In Your Twenties. [If anyone knows the actual title, lemme know so I can get reading.] Anyway, we started talking about all the people I've been and all the people I could be: I've been a curious, imagination-soaked only child; a tall, redheaded, tortured kid--just call me "Big Red"; an asshole, take my parents for granted addict, a sober teen, an anxious young adult; an aggressive self-starter, classic overachiever, Type A, detail-oriented student; and now, I'm not sure who I'm about to be...and I'm not scared at all.
My mom always says "the universe will provide" and I'm beginning to believe her. A few months ago, I was dealing with the death of my uncle from unexpected and quickly terminal cancer; the death of a woman my mother could call mom; the unhappiness of being where I don't want to be, doing what's easy and not knowing how to fix it all. I had no summer job, a broken futon, and tears most nights wondering how I was going to survive another year in Bowling Green. Fast forward, and Ron and Jean's deaths are helping me to learn the importance of holding family close and loving them as strange as they are; I'm planning this road trip, staking out my future, looking for a new bed and I've just got a six-week gig writing grants for COSI. See, the universe will provide.
I have no way of knowing which, if any, MFA programs I will get in to. I'm not sure what state I'll end up in next. I have NO IDEA how my parents are going to get over loosing their baby. I don't know if I want to teach or start a vineyard or open a fine arts school or buy a house, sit on my porch and write. I think that for the first time in my life, I understand that not knowing what the future will bring is more valuable than hating what the present holds. So, listen to your mother as long as it takes for you to learn how to listen to yourself.
posted by Chelsea at 11:43 AM
2 Comments:
Cool! Who/what are you thankful for? Share the love!
Hi there-
just checking in. Drive safe, can't wait to see you in So Cal on 7/27-8/4!
the lydeckers
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